Day 8: Struggle

Day 8 of the challenge, asks me to share something that I struggle with and the big thing I struggle with is letting the closest people to me like my family and close friends is the how I am feeling and if I am not coping well with anything.

This struggle was proven to myself at the beginning of the year, as I had been helping care for my granddad for the last 8 years or so, with my parents while still in education and during this my mum health started going down hill when she was diagnosed with multiple health issues that will affect her for the rest of her life. During this period of stress, I personally was struggling to cope between what was happening with my home life and trying to complete my education, as after secondary education I went on to complete a BTEC National diploma in ITP and Business Studies at Coleg Menai before going on to University, that the only way to deal with the stress was to control as much of my environment as possible.

I think the reason I struggle with telling my family and friends whats on my mind and is bothering me, is because during caring for my granddad was almost a constant stress to me and my mum and dad. I didn’t want to add anymore stress to the situation by making my parents worry about me. As personal situations from my childhood were rearing their ugly head with the increasing amount of stress that was occurring. I was forced to confront my issues with talking to people this year, as my granddad passed away in June 2014 and I was finishing up my University course and I was starting to move into the work force. Unfortunately the control I had before my granddad passed way, was slipping between my fingers and I did not deal with it and tried to ignore it as much as possible.

By ignoring my problem, I started a new job that in the end proved to me that there was something wrong because it didn’t have the control I had before, I was looking for other things to control such as cutting my long hair that I loved short and as I am clumsy person by nature sometimes and I am always dealing with scratches that I was making worse by picking, as the pains from the scratches was allowing my some measure of control that was not health. This was the point that I realized I needed to get help, which I have done; so I just take it one day at a time.

Maria x

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